Benefits

I signed V up for my benefits, and I went with the 100% option. The good thing is that V’s work will pay her an extra $100/ month for waiving her benefits, so that will help offset the additional taxes we’ll pay to have her on my benefits. After adding all of the extra expenses (how much it costs per pay period, the additional taxes) and subtracting the amounts that we will save (not paying for benefits at her work, the credit), it looks like it will only cost an extra $35-$40 every two weeks to have her on my benefit plan. That’s not too bad. And I just turned in the “Affidavit of Spousal Equivalency” form to HR. Isn’t that romantic? “Honey, we are now spousal equivalents”. Our group of friends in grad school used to refer to everyone’s husband/ wife/ girlfriend/ boyfriend/ partner as just “S.O.” for “significant other”, as in “hey, is this just us or are all the S.O.s invited?” Maybe I’ll start calling V my “S.E.” for “spousal equivalent.”

Anyway, once we get to the part where we’re using my white eggs and our Chinese donor sperm, I am soooooooo getting one of these for our little mutt (bao, I think you need one, too):



The question is do I also get one for the kid that V has. With a Chinese bio mom and Chinese sperm, there wouldn’t really be anything cracker about the kid. But maybe having one white mommy is enough? Hmm...

Wknd

We went to Chinatown this weekend for a little dim sum and baby snatching. Okay, we didn’t really steal a Chinese baby; we just thought about it. We also visited an acupuncture place. We figured that it would be cheaper in Chinatown than anywhere else, and I think we were right. The first visit was $50 and every visit thereafter will be $40. Not sure how often she’ll do it since we’re still a couple of months out from IVF, but she said it didn’t hurt and she was very relaxed (she even took a little nap on the table). That's good.

Back home from Raleigh

I have gotten requests for more pictures and I'm trying to oblige. We're bad about taking photos, though. And we don't really have too many from when we first got together, b/c, you know, there weren't digital cameras then (well, no one had them, anyway). I completely expect to have the following conversation with our children someday:
Me: You know, your mom and I were together before digital cameras or cell phones.
Them: Wow, you're old
Me: I know

But I digress. I am looking for photos but in the meantime, I took some on my phone to send to V while I was away, and since I was blogging about my favorite smoothie place at the Charlotte airport, I'll share a couple here.

This is my smoothie on the way to Raleigh:


Dinner at this Japanese restaurant by the hotel where I stay when I'm in Raleigh:


And my plate 15 minutes later...


That's a lot of food, right?? V actually said, "is that all for you??" Um... yeah. But it was buy one, get one free, so what was I supposed to do? I have to say it was hard getting the last few pieces down, but I managed.

And my smoothie on the way home this morning:


I sent the pics of dinner to Veronica, but felt bad b/c the poor thing was going home to warm up cold lasagne (I made a turkey lasagne before I left so she wouldn't have to cook this week after work). So I think I have to make it up to her by taking her to sushi this weekend.

Anyway, that was essentially my week. I'm glad to be home. I pretty much just had a nap last night, rather than actual sleep. I stayed up too late (Yankees game) and had to be up by 3:45 to be in a cab by 4:30 to be at the airport by 5 for my 6am flight. I'm tired.

Hello, Monday

It’s cold here in Phila, and it’s even colder in our house. It’s a great old stone house, with two feet thick stone walls on all four sides, which keeps it cool in the summer, but it also keeps it cool in the winter. We’ve been hesitant to turn on the boiler b/c we were waiting to get the windows replaced w/ super energy-efficient ones. Most of them went in yesterday, and the rest will go in today. Hurray! We bought a couple of oil filled radiators to keep it manageable in the mean time, but that means that right now the only semi-warm room in the house is the bedroom. The poor kitties must be so cold; they’re spending most of their time in our room.

The windows aren’t exactly what we ordered (wrong number of grids) but I can’t argue w/ this guy anymore, so I had to let it go. Veronica was good about calming me down and making me have some perspective, and she’s right, of course. So I’m trying to let it go.

But this is a ttc blog right?? So, here’s my ttc related part. We have a limit of $15k for ivf coverage so I asked the dr’s office to fax over a price list. The ivf procedure package: $9k. I know I sound like a broken record, but, yes, we could’ve paid for it out of pocket w/ what we spent on iuis. That’s w/o meds, but her insurance paid for the meds. Grr. But that’s another thing I’m trying to just let go (V is much better at that than I am, but I try). The good news, I guess, is that we can get one full cycle, then a transfer, and maybe two, assuming we have anything left. So that’s good.

Waiting for the guy to come finish the windows. Later this week he’ll cap all the windowsills, so we never have to paint them. Thanks goodness. Otherwise, I’m packing for NC. I have a later flight today so I didn’t quite finish last night. I’m flying thru Charlotte on my way to NC, and I love the Charlotte airport – they have great rocking chairs that overlook the tarmac and even better, my very favorite smoothie place is there! So I will get a pina colada smoothie w/ a shot of immunity boost today, once again on Friday on my way home, and in two weeks I go thru Charlotte again on my way to Little Rock and back. Mmmm... smoothies.

Waiting, waiting...

It’s been a long week. I went to the ObGyn yesterday and it looks like I probably have pc.os. But that’s a problem for another day. We looooove our ObGyn, btw; I wish every woman in America could live here just to go to my ObGyn. She’s great. She and I were talking about V yesterday, and she at first confused V w/ another Chinese lsbn patient of hers trying to get knocked up. As expected, V was shocked and offended that she wasn’t our dr’s only Chinese lsbn ttc. He he (she’s not really offended, just surprised that she isn’t special). :)

RE called to talk to V about what’s next since the BFN (V missed her call last week and didn’t get the chance to call her back for awhile). She agrees that IVF is the way to go, given that she’s responded well to C.lomid and G.onal F, but they haven’t worked. So she asked us to call her insurance person to talk about if V could start on BCP before Jan (and that my insurance would pick up the rest starting Jan 1). The insurance person was worried that my insurance wouldn’t cover IVF for V, since apparently many insurance companies won’t cover it for same-sex partners. What the hell kind of bullshit is that?? (she named BxBS of N.J, M.A, and several others). There’s some red tape about being exposed to s.perm naturally for a year that allows them to deny same-sex couples. Once she said it, I was pretty sure I had heard that somewhere, so that’s when I got on the phone w/ my insurance company. After talking to a Customer Rep, a nurse, and a manager, I’m pretty confident that my policy doesn’t restrict same-sex couples. Here’s hoping, anyway. It does have to be pre-approved, however, so I guess it isn’t a guarantee until we get to that point. But the insurance lady doesn’t see any reason why V can’t start BCP sooner. So as soon as V gets a chance to call the dr back (sometime next week, since she’s still pulling 14-16 hr days in the lab), we’ll know when she will start that.

Otherwise, things are quiet here. I leave for Raleigh on Monday and I’ll be there all week. I like Raleigh; it should be a good time.

Wknd

Busy weekend. Fri night, we shopped for new dresses for the wedding we attended. Saturday our friends brought their kiddos over for us to babysit and we had a blast! We went to the playground and then to a pizza shop, then we went back home for baths, put the kids in their pjs, and read books and watched Mons.ters Inc until our friends came back home. Good times. We learned a couple of things that will be important to us regarding strollers: 1) we live in a very old area of Phila and the sidewalks show it. We need a stroller w/ good maneuverability. 2) cup holders! Lots and lots of cupholders!

I got more information today about my benefits for next year. According to my math, it will make a lot of sense for us to go the 100% route (costs more per month, but they pay for every procedure at 100%). So IVF, all ultrasounds, all maternity care, everything is totally covered. That’s good news!

On to the next

Well the nurse called yesterday w/ the official word – BFN #9. I was trying to be upbeat about it and all, but truth is that I wasn’t as upbeat as I wanted to be. Then I got a text from V that said it perfectly: I’m a bit bummed. I felt the same way. We haven’t told all that many people about TTC, but there is one woman at work who knows. She’s about my mom’s age, and I’m about her kids’ age, and we have that kind of friendly/ maternal relationship. So I went into her office and gave her a thumbs down and she said, “Well... shit.” And again, that was exactly what I was feeling, and just the right thing to say. Shit. So I realized it was okay to be a little upset, V and I went out for dinner and beer (Octoberfests are here!), and today we’re looking on to what’s next.

I’m thinking that with our time off we can get V into acupuncture, which we’ve been talking about for a long time but haven’t done, to help prime her body for IVF. When we first talked to new RE about IVF in Jan, she wondered aloud if V could start the BCP in Dec. I see no reason why not. The only minor kink in the plan is that it looks like my mom’s bone m.arrow transplant will be in Jan as well, so there will be some tricky navigation happening. We just have to figure out how to be in two places at once. Oh, and b/c I thought the transplant might be in Nov, I pushed off a meeting w/ a client until… Jan! Ugh. Now I have to talk them into moving into Feb, which is when I was planning to meet w/ a different client. Hmmm.

Anyway, the good news is that my company will still provide IVF coverage next year, and I have the option of them paying at 80%, 90%, or 100%. We’ll have to do the math and see what makes the most sense.

So I think the dr might call today to talk to V about the negative and what’s next. I’ll update if we hear from her.

Hope you all have a great weekend. We’re babysitting for a friend and his wife on Sat night (4yo and 1 1/2 yo). Should be fun. Then a wedding on Sunday. Enjoy, all.